Questioning Homeschooled Teen

Why do homeschoolers… ?

Predictive text is a great source of amusement in the digital age. Who doesn’t enjoy taking a prompt and letting your Google or your phone complete it with predictive text? The results are generally hilarious. It’s the digital equivalent of Mad Libs.

Recently, we did some Googling about homeschooling to see what the Google algorithm’s predictive text would give us. The results were hilarious. Here’s what Google returned for the prompt “Why do homeschoolers”—

What makes Google’s predictive text so amusing is that the answers are aggregated from actual queries that people type into the search engine. These aren’t just AI generated. Real people actually search for these answers—and in such numbers that they show up in the top ten predictive text results!

Since the internet apparently is dying to know what’s up with homeschoolers, let us help by answering these queries to the best of our ability.

Why do homeschoolers score higher?

Score higher at what? I assume it means at board games. Well, our nerdy attachment to books has maximally optimized us for games like Scrabble, Scattergories, Trivial Pursuit, and anything requiring vocabulary skills or obscure knowledge. If you want to win at a board game, you absolutely want homeschoolers on your team.

Why do homeschoolers graduate early?

It seems like there is always some homeschooler graduating early or starting dual-enrollment at college. This should be no surprise. Homeschooling allows students to dig into the meat of coursework without all the frills and time-wasting that comes with institutional education. The result is that they often graduate early. This trend seems to be accelerating relative to the decline of educational standards in government schools. Will we one day see eighth-grade graduates? Will we have eleven-year olds working on their homeschool algebra while enrolled in college programs? Who knows!

Why are homeschoolers socially awkward?

Okay…we can be quirky. Sometimes we just want to build scale replicas of the Roman Coliseum. Or corner you and make you listen to a twenty-minute rant about how crazy World War I was. Or bring a copy of Dante to the party. Sure, we might ramble about our online role plays, or make you watch our 12-year-old son’s demonstration on the proper technique for using a medieval longsword. Our kids might prattle on about the latest fantasy series they are reading or stare blankly when you ask them about something outside their knowledge. Instead of worrying about whether we look and act exactly as you think we should, why not join us in our quirkiness?!

Why are homeschoolers so weird reddit?

The idea of people scouring the threads of Reddit for an answer to the age-old question about homeschooler weirdness is quite amusing in itself. If you really want to know what makes homeschoolers unique, however, instead of looking for answers on Reddit (which is itself the ultimate repository of Internet weirdness), why not do some investigating on your own? The best way to get a first-hand look at homeschool weirdness is to volunteer to ride with a homeschool family on a road trip in the back of one of the big homeschooler vans. Life will not afford you any better lesson in homeschooler eccentricity.

Why are homeschoolers so smart?

Probably because homeschooled kids have unlocked one of the great secrets of life—whereas most young people go through the phase of thinking “My parents don’t know anything,” homeschooling kids have recognized that their parents do in fact KNOW EVERYTHING. And when kids are learning from people who know literally everything, how can they not be brilliant?

What do homeschoolers need to graduate?

I was originally going to say pants. We all know that homeschoolers like to do school in their pajamas; even Homeschool Connections students are known to do classes from their computers with their pajama pants on. I thought that graduation day is perhaps the one occasion where homeschoolers need to at least get fully dressed. But then I realized graduation ceremonies are usually carried out in gowns—under which one could totally wear pajamas. So…I guess pants are out. Homeschoolers don’t even need pants to graduate.

Why are homeschoolers so annoying?

Because we get tired of answering dumb questions day in and day out! That’s liable to put a rough edge on anyone.

What do homeschoolers miss out on?

Hmm…well, homeschooled kids actually miss out on a lot. They miss out on peer pressure, public school cliquishness, sitting in a desk for 6 hours a day, getting bullied at school, exposure to institutionalized progressive propaganda, premature sexualization, standardized government testing, getting up at 6:30 AM, learning bad language on the bus, and doing mindless drivel they don’t enjoy. So, yes, homeschoolers miss out on a lot.

Why can’t homeschoolers play sports?

Hey man, we can play sports. You ever seen a band of homeschoolers absolutely rocking a game of Four Square at the church co-op? It’s Olympic-level talent. Seriously though, I think the question is referring to why homeschoolers can’t join the sports teams at public or parochial schools. I really don’t know. I suppose they are simply not ready for that level of awesome. A day may come when schools feel the need to buttress their football teams with Latin scholars, their basketball teams with Shakespeare fans, and their wrestling teams with philosophy nerds, but alas that day is still a ways off.

Hopefully, this clears up some of the misunderstandings!

Addendum: This post inspired a Homeschooling Saints Podcast episode. You can watch here:


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Resources to help you in your Catholic homeschool…

Catholic Homeschool Classes Online

Homeschooling Saints Podcast

Good Counsel Careers

The Catholic Homeschool Conference

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