The Well-Adjusted Homeschooler
“Oh my goodness, your kids are so polite and well-spoken!” the woman in the store said to me as I stood around chatting with my kids waiting in the checkout line.
“Well, thank you,” I replied with a mixture of pride and bashfulness.
“Where do they go to school?” she inquired.
“We are homeschoolers,” I told her.
“Ah,” she said with a smile, as if a lightbulb had lit up in her head. “That explains it!”
If you’ve been homeschooling for any length of time, chances are you’ve had similar encounters. Homeschooled kids have earned a reputation for good behavior, sociability, and the ability to speak with poise and confidence in front of adults. This is quite a contrast from their peers in the world at large, who are known for a different set of behaviors. We’ve all experienced the stereotype: shuffling around with eyes downcast or obscured by hair, mumbling when spoken to, reluctance to make eye contact with adults, and discomfort holding conversation with adults.
I realize that this is painting with a broad brush. After all, there are many well-spoken public schoolers. Additionally, I’ve also encountered some extremely socially awkward homeschoolers in my time. But, then again, stereotypes exist for a reason.
The Old Specter of Socialization
Socialization has been debated since the infancy of the modern homeschool movement. Skeptics of homeschooling argued that “secluding” children away from their peers would hinder the proper socialization of young people. Homeschooling advocates argued that mass education, characterized by the regimented segregation of children according to age group, was not adequate socialization to begin with. In fact, if anything, home education represented a return to a more holistic, organic system of socialization.
Data have consistently shown that homeschooled children are socialized just as successfully as their public school counterparts, if not more so. Newer studies on homeschool socialization carried out post-pandemic affirmed this as well. Not only were no adverse life outcomes correlated to homeschooling (Hamlin-Cheng, 2023), but homeschooling was positively correlated with children developing a stronger sense of self-directedness, opportunities for organic socialization, and confidence in interacting with people across all generations and walks of life (Leiter, 2022).
The data is conclusive: homeschooling does not have a negative impact on children’s social skill development.
Organic Socialization vs. Structured Socialization
The 2022 Leitner study specifically mentions organic socialization with people of diverse backgrounds as a strength of homeschooled children. What is “organic socialization”?
Organic socialization refers to socialization that happens naturally and spontaneously within the context of daily life. The example at the top of this article is a fine example—someone who randomly starts talking to you and your children in the store. Organic socialization is made up of those types of scenarios where you’re at coffee & donuts after church, and someone comes to sit with your family and chats you up. Or when you take your son to get a haircut and the barber strikes up a conversation. It is when your daughter has to go up to the librarian at the circulation desk to ask a question. These are the everyday interactions that are at the heart of society.
Structured Socialization in Contrast
Organic socialization is contrasted to what I would call “structured” socialization. Structured socialization occurs at pre-organized events within regulated environments. Sometimes these events are scheduled solely for the purpose of socializing. Examples of structured socialization include scheduling a playdate with another family, participating in a sports team, or other types of socialization that often occur in a brick-and-mortar school setting. Typically, structured socialization involves children interacting primarily with peers of a similar age.
Both organic and structured socialization are essential. However, organic socialization is what builds children’s confidence in speaking to people of different ages. Organic socialization skills are what impressed the woman in my story about my kids’ behavior. They were “well-spoken” because they were just as confident speaking to an adult as they would be among their own peers.
A Real-Life Example Across Generations
I recently took my teenage son with me on a trip to Colorado to visit a friend. I’m 45, my friend is 29, and my son is 17. Both my friend and my son were homeschooled. Despite being from three different generations, we sat on the patio by sunset, talking and laughing for hours. I couldn’t help but think about how unlikely this sort of socializing would have been for me when I was in public school. My dad did not have friends from different generations. And if he did, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to spend the evening hanging out with them. Instead, I probably would have sat in my room alone, sulking.
Building a Social Toolkit for Life
Organic socialization is important because it equips children with the ability to navigate various social settings with ease and adaptability, fostering a sense of confidence that carries over into adulthood. By engaging naturally with people of all ages and backgrounds—whether it’s a neighbor, a family friend, or a stranger in a store—homeschooled children develop what we might think of as a “social toolkit.” This toolkit allows them to form meaningful connections, communicate effectively, and thrive in real-world situations that demand interpersonal skills beyond the confines of peer-centric environments. The organic nature of these interactions teaches kids to read social cues, practice empathy, and articulate their thoughts clearly, preparing them for a lifetime of dynamic, cross-generational relationships.
The Broader Impact on Society
On a more fundamental level, organic socialization is like the individual fiber that holds the tapestry of society together. We cannot have a functional, high-trust society unless people are comfortable and confident interacting with one another. While homeschooling admittedly has less structured socialization, this is offset by a high degree of organic socialization. Homeschooled kids may not have as much experience in structured, age-segregated social settings (such as a brick-and-mortar school). Still, they have more opportunities for organic socialization, which ultimately prepares them better for the real world than sitting in age-segregated classrooms.
The Backbone of a Vibrant Society
In a world that often prioritizes conformity and structured environments, homeschooling offers a refreshing return to the organic, interconnected socialization that forms the backbone of a vibrant society. The data is clear: homeschooled children not only hold their own in social settings but often excel, armed with the ease and confidence that comes from engaging naturally with people of all ages and walks of life. That chance encounter with the woman in the checkout line isn’t just a fleeting compliment—it’s a testament to the superior development of organic socialization we consistently see among homeschoolers.
What are some of your thoughts on homeschool socialization? How do you address it in your homeschool and community? Join me and other homeschooling parents in the Homeschool Connections Facebook Group or in the HSC Community. I’d love to continue this conversation with you there.
