Homeschooling: What I’d Tell My Younger Self
Looking Back on 20+ Years of Homeschooling
When I first started homeschooling over two decades ago, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing. Like many young dads, I was driven by a desire to protect my children from the negative influences I remembered from my own public school experience. My daughter Jenna was still in diapers when her mother and I started making homeschooling plans, and I was full of big ideas and high ideals.
Fast forward to today—Jenna is now 23, the oldest of five, and I’ve spent over half my adult life homeschooling in one form or another. Along the way, I’ve gone from a pizza delivery guy to an educator and author, and I’ve made more than my share of mistakes and discoveries.
Homeschooling has changed me—not just as a teacher, but as a parent and person of faith. And if I could go back and have a chat with my younger self, here are some lessons I’d share.
Learn About the Academic Advantages
In the beginning, my desire to homeschool was driven by moral considerations, mainly in reaction against the hedonism of my teenage years. I did not want my kids dealing with cliques, peer pressure, bullying, exposure to smoking, alcohol, drugs, teen sex, and all the other things kids often get exposed to in public school. In short, it was primarily about keeping them away from harmful things. While this is undoubtedly a laudable goal, I wish I had given more weight to the positives that come with homeschooling. Specifically, the academic advantages.
Homeschooling isn’t just about keeping kids away from the corrupting influences of the culture. It’s about providing the best possible education for one’s children based on a highly individualized approach to education. It was not until I was several years into homeschooling that I started to truly appreciate the potential in home education for superior academics. I wish I could go back and tell myself to set a high bar for academics and broaden my vision beyond protecting them from bad influences.
You Don’t Need to Spend A Lot of Money
What new homeschooling parent hasn’t splurged and bought $400 worth of curriculum materials and made all sorts of grand plans for the semester that never materialize?
As a new homeschooling parent, I focused a lot on finding the right materials, which often came with a high price tag. Massive sets of texts and student workbooks with interactive CD-ROM components, complex science lab kits, Latin sets with flashcards & test booklets, and the whole shebang.
There’s nothing wrong with buying a big box curriculum. (See our article “Homeschool Options: À La Carte vs. Boxed Program” for a breakdown of the pros and cons.) Still, you don’t want to start equating the quality of your homeschooling with how much money you’re spending on curriculum. Sometimes you have to buy something nice and new, of course.
However, in time, I got more comfortable making do with what was at hand—using free library resources, books I already had on my bookshelf, and cobbling things together to make something work, even if it wasn’t pretty. This approach was so much easier for me—and my wallet! If I could go back, I’d reassure my younger self that you don’t need to spend a lot of money on fancy curriculum to homeschool right.
Prioritize the Enjoyment of Learning
When I first started homeschooling, there was a lot of emphasis on covering what I believed to be essential content to ensure my children were “keeping up” with what the experts said children should be doing at any given age. I’d get stressed if my children weren’t mastering a specific skill by a particular time. “Kids are supposed to start multiplication in third grade! Why isn’t my daughter getting it?” I’d lament. In time, I realized that every child progresses at a different pace. I’s not realistic to expect every kid to master the same skills on the same timeline.
If I could go back and talk to that young dad stressing about his daughter’s math, I’d tell myself to focus on the enjoyment of learning. I’d tell myself it’s okay to set the math problems aside and find other, more creative ways to spark my kids’ intellectual curiosity and reengage them with the love of discovery that makes learning possible. For example, I wish I had used more math games, puzzles, manipulatives, and literary approaches that could help stimulate my kids’ quantitative reasoning from different angles instead of making them grind away solving equations.
Environment Matters!
Any parent who has ever homeschooled has dealt with behavior problems: siblings fighting, kids who won’t sit still, distracted learners, whining, and a whole host of issues that can make us want to scream. When I was a new homeschooler, I approached all of these problems from a disciplinary perspective. If my kids were acting up, it was because they were being bad and needed to be punished. That was usually the most I thought about it.
As years passed, I learned that you can’t punish your way into compliance, at least if you want your kids to keep their morale up. But more importantly, I realized that many of the difficulties I thought were disciplinary were actually environmental. I learned that making my kids read right after lunch would put them to sleep, that letting them do homework lying on the floor by the woodstove kept peace more than making them work at the table, and that sitting two particular siblings near one another was an invitation to chaos.
I wish I could go back and impart this wisdom to my younger self: that subtle modifications to the environment, such as where home education happens and how it is administered, can avoid many difficulties.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Finally, I wish I’d been more open to reaching out for help. I think when we first begin homeschooling, we can feel insecure. Many of us are walking on blind faith, feeling things out as we go, and trying to convince ourselves and our families that we are making the right choice. Reaching out for help can feel like an admission of weakness or a lack of resolve. Asking for assistance can dredge up all our doubts and throw them back in our faces.
Over time, I came to truly appreciate the collective wisdom in the homeschool community. These days, I frequently turn to the community (both online and flesh & blood) to ask advice on books, strategies, tutors, and everything else. I wish I could tell my younger self that I am not alone, that there’s no need to reinvent the wheel, and that there’s a whole world of homeschooling families willing and eager to help newbies figure it out.
What about you, veteran homeschoolers? What advice would you give your younger selves if you could go back in time? And you new homeschoolers, how can we veterans help you? I invite you to join me and other homeschoolers in the Homeschool Connections Facebook Group to continue this discussion. I would love to hear from you!
