Using Praise to Build a Growth Mindset
One of our many goals as homeschooling parents is to have smart children. Smart children do well academically, make good choices, and become successful adults. But what if I told you that being labeled as “smart” can harm our children? Research shows that when children believe they are smart, it can actually hurt their intellectual development. Surprised? Let me explain.
Dependency on “Smartness”
When we think we are smart, we often make that a part of our identity, and it increases our self-esteem, which is positive overall, but once we internalize that we are smart, it can lead to problems. We may depend on our “smartness” to help us out. But when faced with a challenge, being smart can be an issue. What does a smart person do when faced with a new challenge they can’t figure out? They often give up and disengage.
I’ll give you a personal example: When I was in high school, I was taking precalculus in my junior year. Math had always been easy for me, and I considered myself good at math, but now, it was challenging. I didn’t just give up immediately; I tried to figure it out but couldn’t seem to get it. So, what did I do? I gave up and disengaged. I said, ‘Well, I guess I’m not good at math,’ and stopped trying. I barely passed pre-calculus and didn’t move forward with my classmates to take calculus my senior year. I took a “senior slacker” math class instead.
Mindset Theory
How could I have had a better outcome? What would have been different if I didn’t think I was smart? To answer that, let’s dig into a psychological concept known as mindset theory.
Carol Dweck is a psychology researcher best known for her mindset theory. Dweck believes that people either have fixed mindsets or growth mindsets. Someone with a fixed mindset focuses on their existing abilities and believes that they can’t change. Someone with a growth mindset, however, believes their effort determines their ability and success.
Going back to my math example, I clearly had a fixed mindset. I believed that you’re either good at math or you’re not. Someone with a growth mindset would focus on the effort they are putting forth and the strategies they are using. If I’d had a growth mindset, I would have been more motivated; I could have reframed precalculus as a fun challenge. I would have been more likely to try different strategies and not simply give up.
Nurturing a Growth Mindset
What does this mean for us as homeschooling parents? Should we avoid telling our children they are smart? I personally believe parents should try to avoid the word smart with their children. However, more importantly, we want to promote a growth mindset in our children. How do we encourage this growth mindset?
First, focus on effort. Praise your child’s hard work. For example, “You did a great job spending fifteen minutes on your math. You are making progress.” Or “I know you don’t like practicing handwriting, but I’m proud you did one page without complaining.” You want your child to know you value the effort they are putting forth, not just mastery of the skill.
Next, make sure your praise or encouragement is specific. “Great job” is generic. Instead, say, “You did a great job completing all your sentence diagrams.” Even better, say, “I’m impressed that you could keep working even when the problems became difficult.” With this example, you are telling your child that you value their effort, not just the correct answer. This will motivate them to keep going through challenges.
Be Careful Not to Overuse Praise
Praise is good, but too much praise can be harmful. For one thing, children can become dependent on praise and expect it all the time. They may worry that something is wrong if you don’t praise them.
However, too much or inappropriate praise can also be insulting. Think about this—if someone walked up to you and said, “Wow. I’m so proud of you for getting dressed today. Great work!”—how would you feel? Would you feel proud? Probably not because, as an adult, hopefully, you’ve been getting dressed on your own for at least a couple of decades. We would likely feel insulted that someone would think we couldn’t dress ourselves, or we may believe that the person who made the comment isn’t that bright. Kids are the same; if they receive too much praise or praise for simple things, they are likely to believe the adult doesn’t think they can perform challenging tasks.
Supporting Struggling Children
What about a situation where your child is struggling? How can you emphasize a growth mindset when a child is already feeling despondent about a subject?
First, look for something you can praise, such as progress, improvement, or persistence. “You didn’t get all your multiplication tables correct, but you got a higher score than yesterday. Nice improvement.” Or, “I know how challenging Latin is for you, but I’m proud to see you continuing to study even after you
received a bad grade on your last exam.”
Also, if your child has a lot of difficulty learning a particular skill, it is essential to figure out the cause. Children often experience difficulty because they are
missing a fundamental skill. This happens too much in the traditional education system, where a child is sent to the next grade but doesn’t have all the necessary skills to master that grade’s content. When they get to the next grade, they have difficulty because they are missing the foundational skills necessary to succeed. This harms their motivation, and many of these students end up in learned helplessness, a state of motivation where you give up and don’t even try. If your child is struggling, see if you can figure out the issue and help them solve it.
Conclusion
The next time you, like any average parent, feel the urge to praise your child or tell them they are smart, remember mindset theory. Focus on giving appropriate praise and emphasizing effort and progress! If you’re interested in reading more about this topic, our articles “Excellence, Not Perfection” and “Supporting Gifted Children” may interest you.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Join me and other homeschooling parents at our Homeschool Connections Community or our Facebook group to continue the discussion!
