Teaching Teens the Power of Follow-Through
Follow-up, or follow-through, is a crucial life skill that often determines whether we achieve a goal or walk away disappointed. It’s the perseverance we show when we don’t get an immediate answer, when things don’t go our way, or when results take effort. It’s the drive behind sayings like, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease” and “If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.” As homeschool parents, teaching our high schoolers this habit of follow-through is one of the most practical ways we prepare them for adulthood. It’s the ability to recognize that a roadblock isn’t a dead end—and sometimes, all it takes is knocking again. Even our Lord emphasized the value of persistence in prayer:
And he told them a parable, to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor regarded man; and there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Vindicate me against my adversary.’ For a while he refused; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will vindicate her, or she will wear me out by her continual coming.’” And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God vindicate his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will vindicate them speedily. (Luke 18:1-8, RSVCE)
Success in life requires a certain degree of follow-up. While it would be wonderful is people returned our emails promptly, kept their commitments, and paid us on time, the reality is that people get busy, get distracted, and sometimes just forget. In those moments, it is necessary for us to follow up with them, gently prodding them to take action.
Young People and Follow-Up
Young people often struggle with follow-up, especially with adults. For one thing, it can be intimidating for young people to open a conversation with an adult, especially when asking for something. Young people are also self-conscious about coming off as rude, obnoxious, or whiny. As an educator, I can’t tell you how many times student emails begin with “I’m sorry to bother you” and end with apologies for having reached out. Teenagers often tell me they are nervous about asking instructors for help because they don’t want to “be annoying.” Sometimes, follow-up can feel pushy, which makes young people feel awkward. And being awkward is among the worst anxieties for a young person.
Young people may also be a bit… how shall we say… naive about the adult world. They may take a lack of response from an adult at face value. For example, “I emailed the teacher for help, and she didn’t respond. She must not want to help me.” Because they are so self-conscious, the child may fail to realize that an adult’s unresponsiveness is not their fault.
Real-Life Examples: When Follow-Up Makes the Difference
Consequently, young people often lack follow-up. What does lack of follow-up look like in young people? Here are some examples:
Michael has a question for his instructor about an assignment. He emails the instructor asking for clarification, but she doesn’t respond. Without getting the information he needs, Michael doesn’t understand how to do the work and consequently never completes the homework assignment. He receives a zero.
Sarah is looking for work. She inquires at a local bakery about a part-time position that is advertised. The man at the bakery tells her, “Carrie is the one who does the hiring, but she’s not in today. Leave me your information and I’ll tell her you stopped by.” Sarah leaves her contact information with the man, but Carrie never contacts her. She is dejected and gives up trying.
Caitlyn is trying to make plans with her friend Michelle for the weekend. She asked her mom to call Michelle’s mom to arrange the details, but by midweek, she is frustrated that her mother still has not made the necessary arrangements. Nothing comes of her plans, and Caitlyn stays home alone for the weekend.
Young people can become easily dejected by such occurrences. This can create negative reinforcement—the child’s effort yields only disappointment, and so they are less likely to put in similar levels of effort in expectation of similar disappointment. It is not difficult to see that this sort of approach to setbacks can have negative consequences later in life.
Adult Understanding
Adults will easily recognize these sorts of setbacks as commonplace and understand that there is often a very benign explanation for them. In the above examples, Michael’s email may have gone to the teacher’s spam folder, or the teacher was so inundated with messages that Michael’s accidentally fell through the cracks. Carrie may have gotten Sarah’s information and intends to call her, but got swamped and forgot. Caitlyn’s mother may fully intend to make a play date for her daughter, but keeps getting distracted by other responsibilities.
In each of these cases, a simple exercise of follow-up could remedy the problem. A second email from Michael to his teacher may get through. A second visit to the bakery might lead to a conversation with Carrie in which Sarah needs to get hired. A gentle reminder from Caitlyn might be all that is necessary for her mother to schedule the play date. Each of these scenarios would be an appropriate time for the child to exhibit follow-up.
It’s Okay to Ask Again
It can be difficult to get children to feel comfortable asking for things they need; teaching them it’s alright to ask again can be even trickier. Kids don’t want to be awkward, and they often have a general sense that asking repeatedly makes them a nuisance. Nevertheless, developing a robust attitude of follow-up is a necessary social skill for anyone who wants to get results in life. Here are some things to talk to your children about to help them develop the skill of follow-up:
There is often a very benign reason why someone doesn’t respond. Don’t assume a person is not responding out of personal dislike or dismissiveness. It is more than likely they got busy, distracted, forgot, or are simply working on a different timeframe.
Following up is not a nuisance. Follow-up is just a part of life. It is not a nuisance to contact someone to remind them about something or follow up with a previous communication. This is a commonly accepted practice that everyone recognizes as acceptable social etiquette.
You aren’t dumb for asking for help.
With young people, many issues of follow-up relate to interactions with teachers, such as asking questions about homework, needing clarification on an assignment, and so on. Kids will often avoid following up with questions for fear of looking dumb. Children should be assured that they are not dumb for requiring help, nor do teachers think seeking help makes them look dumb. Seeking help actually speaks well of a child because it shows he or she is grappling with the content and seeking to understand.
People feel as bad for not responding as you do for following up.
Finally, it’s good to remember that the person who didn’t respond to you probably feels just as bad for not responding as you do for following up. When a student messages me and says they are sending a second email because I didn’t reply to the first, I feel bad! Chances are, the person you are following up with is happy to hear from you, as it helps them resolve the issue.
In Closing
Teaching our children to follow up is more than just a practical life skill; it’s a way of forming their character. By helping them understand that persistence is not pushiness and that asking again is not annoyance, we empower them to face setbacks with resilience and maturity. As homeschooling parents, we have the unique opportunity to model and mentor this virtue daily. With a bit of coaching and encouragement, our teens can grow into confident, capable adults who know how to persevere, not just in academics, but in life. And that’s a lesson that will serve them long after the school year ends.
If you’d like to help your child with other life skills, make sure to check out Homeschool Connections Life Skills Online Classes.
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