The Best Parenting Styles: What the Research Says
Too Many Parenting Styles? You’re Not Alone
Parenting Styles. They are everywhere. Experts have churned out a plethora of books and articles about the best parenting styles. I’m sure you’ve heard of them: gentle parenting, free-range parenting, helicopter parenting, and positive parenting. If you Google parenting styles and philosophies, you will get a whole list! Each style has its advocates, who champion its greatness and argue that everyone should be using this style.
As a parent, I find all this information on parenting extremely overwhelming. It is almost as if they are designed to make parents feel inadequate about their own parenting. As a psychologist, I want to know, is there any actual research behind these parenting styles? There is, actually, which I will discuss briefly, but first, I’m going to share the secret of finding the perfect parenting style that all developmental psychologists know—there isn’t one! That’s right. There is no one perfect parenting style, regardless of what parenting books or their marketing teams may claim.
No parenting style will fit every parent or every child; that’s because God made us unique individuals, each with a different personality and temperament. What works for one child to encourage good behavior may discourage it in another. The same goes for parents; we don’t all function and think in the same way, and that’s why one parenting style won’t work for everyone. Think how easy parenting would be if it did!
Find What Works For Your Family
I will caveat here that I’m not saying these styles are bad or you shouldn’t use them. If you’ve found one that works well in your family, that’s great—stick with it! It is essential to point out that they don’t work for everyone, so if you’ve tried one that didn’t work, I can assure you that there’s nothing wrong with you or your family, just because the trending parenting style of the moment doesn’t work for you.
For example, I’m not ashamed to admit that gentle parenting doesn’t work in our household. Gentle parenting is a popular parenting philosophy right now that emphasizes empathy and connection, as well as mutual respect between parents and children, but there is less emphasis on boundaries and discipline. It’s a great concept, but it doesn’t work well with all my children. Some of my children need more strict enforcement of rules and guidelines versus mutual respect, which isn’t always appropriate in a parent-child dynamic.
What Does the Research Say?
Now, on to the research on parenting styles. There is a lot of it, but most of it focuses on Diana Baumrind’s parenting styles. Baumrind created these styles in the 1960s, and they have stood the test of time and research. Dr. Baumrind based her parenting styles on two factors: warmth and demandingness. Warmth refers to the connection between parents and children, and demandingness—sometimes referred to as control—refers to the rules or standards parents have for their children, as well as whether they are enforced. Based on these two factors, there are four parenting styles: Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, and Neglectful.
Authoritative parents are high on warmth and high on demandingness. These parents have high standards and rules for their children, but they also offer the social and emotional support needed for them to succeed.
Authoritarian parents are low on warmth and high on demandingness. These parents tend to be strict with high standards and rules, but they often fail to offer sufficient social or emotional support.
Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent, tend to be high in warmth but low in demandingness. These parents offer their children social and emotional support but don’t have many rules or require that their children follow the rules. A typical example is a parent who is more like a friend.
Neglectful or uninvolved parents are low on both warmth and demandingness. These parents aren’t active in their children’s lives.
After reading those, you can guess which one the research says is more effective: authoritative, of course. Research has linked authoritative parenting to many positive outcomes, including higher academic achievement (Lorenzo-Blanco et al., 2023; Steinberg et al., 1992), psychological well-being (Arshad & Pervaiz, 2024), executive functioning (Murray et al., 2014), increased motivation (Grolnick & Ryan, 1989), better social skills (Darling & Steinberg, 1993), and fewer behavioral problems (Lamborn et al., 1991). These parents encourage their children to grow and succeed, while also supporting them throughout the process. One of the reasons these styles have survived the test of time is that they provide general guidelines that are adaptable to individual parents and children.
What Warmth and Demandingness Look Like in Real Life
For example, what represents warmth and connectedness may look different in families. For some families, physical touch may be a significant part of this, while for others, it may be more about an emotional connection. As a parent, I know that some of my children also require more warmth than others. Some children need more warmth from their parents to feel secure, and that’s ok. The idea is that you need to determine what warmth looks like in your parent-child dynamic and how much is necessary in your family. The same is true for demandingness. Some of my children respond to rules and standards easily, and others require that I check on their progress more frequently. Another great thing is that these styles evolve and change with your children. Warmth and demandingness will look very different for a preschooler compared to an adolescent.
Finally, while research shows that authoritative parenting is generally more effective, there are some situations, albeit rare, where authoritarian parenting and even permissive parenting have been more effective, which highlights that people respond differently in various situations.
In Closing
Remember, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and there isn’t one best parenting style. However, research indicates that authoritative parenting is usually effective and adaptable to every family. God has blessed us and our children with unique personalities and temperaments, and we need to do our best to find out what works for our family. A great way to do this is to try authoritative parenting and consider how well you are balancing warmth and demandingness with each of your children.
What are your thoughts on this topic? I invite you to join me and other homeschoolers in the Homeschool Connections Facebook Group to continue this discussion. I would love to hear from you!
Citations
Arshad, M., & Pervaiz, N. (2024). Impact of authoritative parenting style on self-esteem and resilience among undergraduate students. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/384584384
Darling, N., & Steinberg, L. (1993). Parenting style as context: An integrative model. Psychological Bulletin, 113(3), 487–496. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.113.3.487
Grolnick, W. S., & Ryan, R. M. (1989). Parent styles associated with children’s self-regulation and competence in school. Journal of Educational Psychology, 81(2), 143–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0663.81.2.143
Lamborn, S. D., Mounts, N. S., Steinberg, L., & Dornbusch, S. M. (1991). Patterns of competence and adjustment among adolescents from authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful families. Child Development, 62(5), 1049–1065. https://doi.org/10.2307/1131151
Lorenzo-Blanco, E. I., et al. (2023). Parenting styles and early academic achievement among Latino children: A longitudinal analysis. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/cdp0000573
Murray, D. W., Rosanbalm, K., & Christopoulos, C. (2014). Self-regulation and toxic stress: A review of ecological, biological, and developmental studies of self-regulation and stress. Office of Planning, Research and Evaluation, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.acf.hhs.gov/opre/report/self-regulation-and-toxic-stress-review-ecological-biological-and-developmental-studies
Steinberg, L., Lamborn, S. D., Dornbusch, S. M., & Darling, N. (1992). Impact of parenting practices on adolescent achievement: Authoritative parenting, school involvement, and encouragement to succeed. Child Development, 63(5), 1266–1281. https://doi.org/10.2307/1131532
